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Believe

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Some days I wish I had a physical disability…there’s less stigma involved.

I feel deeply but where do I go to find someone with empathy and compassion? I feel like I’m under a banquet table picking up scraps; just small bits of time with people of the busy world.

I deserve being recognized as more than “crazy.” I’d explain but I don’t know what happens to me. I’ve been told that my sense of belonging will never be greater than my sense of self worth, so I feel what I feel. I have people in my life who don’t like drama so I don’t share. Some will tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself or find someone to help.

Tell me you can’t identify—you have never felt like there’s more to life than what you have? You’ve never wanted to cry for no apparent reason? You have never wanted to be more than invisible?

SHAME CREATES FEAR CREATES SEPARATION CREATES NO WAY OUT.

In the beginning change is hard, then its messy, then it’s glorious. I’m in the messy part; can’t go back to protecting myself from feeling, knowing my shame triggers, beginning to not only know what to do but also how to act.

So the answer right now is to show myself some self-compassion; knowing that my imperfections are what make me uniquely me, being grateful for the ability to feel, and most of all that someone else will feel less alone—I know I do.

May this day be filled with all you need and some of what you want.

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